Mental and Emotional Birth

The devotion and my 3-minute talk went well, but the prep for the 10-minute "sermonette" just about killed me. It was a very painful process for me to take the things I learned, the message God put on my heart and to marry it with the text. To you pastors out there who do this week by week... my deepest respect.

Writing and preparing for speaking has always been difficult for me and at times my eyes are filled with tears and in desperate prayer I wait at the Father's feet. This message on Hebrews 12 was no different. At times I was so discouraged that I just wanted to walk away. To give up. To stop running. Yes, I use that term because truly I lived this text as I prayed, processed and prepared the following message. In the end, I was amazed at what God did. When I got up to speak I cried, but then God gave me His strength as I set my gaze toward Him and left the finish line in His hands. I can sympathize with Eric Liddell who when asked how he finished and won the now famous 440 after falling, he said, "The first half I ran in my own strength, the second I ran in God's."

Here's what the Lord produced (or birthed) through this process.
(The picture is from http://chi.gospelcom.net/GLIMPSEF/Glimpses/glmps161.shtml)

*****

Chariots of Fire. When I hear those words my mind is immediately filled with music from the movie: the brass call, the synthesizers beat and the patient triumph of the piano theme. Then a young man fills the screen in white shorts and shirt, with head thrown back, eyes heavenward and running a race to win, a race of faith. Coupled with the music it inspires me to my core. It fills me with a sense of anticipation and even resolve.

Eric Liddel’s life witness was the subject for this movie. A man who said, “I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.” Those words really jumped out at me the last time I saw this movie and I pondered them in prayer for quite a while. “Lord, what do I do that brings you pleasure? Do I please you?”

I believe that we please God by fixing our eyes upon Jesus, enduring and running the race He’s set before us. But how do we do this? We consider the examples the Lord has provided, setting our eyes on Jesus we do not lose heart, and we run.

In Hebrews 12, written to early Jewish Christians, we find encouragement towards this:

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. NIV

In this text we find that Jesus is our primary example. He’s the author and perfector of our faith. He originates it. We have faith because He gives it to us. Likewise, the “cloud of witnesses” were able to exercise their faith because He gave it to them. He endured the cross, scorning its shame. He was stripped bare of all dignity and kingly identity, yet it paled in comparison to light of the joy set before Him. The joy of seeing man reconciled to God. Thus by his obedience even death on the cross faith is perfected and he now sits at the right hand of God. He sits down. His joy and work complete.

We also have the example of those who’ve gone before us, as Hebrews refers to it, “This great cloud of witnesses.” These men and women who by faith accomplished mighty things and who endured intense persecution while only beholding the promise from afar. In obedience they were faithful to God even through they did not receive the promise.

Heb 11:39-40 NIV 39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

We stand with them, and together in Jesus we are made complete.

Therefore, let’s go! Let us throw off all that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles! The things that hinder us basically sideline us. As I thought through this words like Fear, Pride and Lies came to mind. Can you see in your own life how these things might sideline you from running the race set before you? For me it can manifest in thoughts like, “You’re not good enough,” “You’ve sinned, fallen again, so there’s no hope for you,” “Give up,” “You’re not as good as Sally,” “You’re a failure, you can’t do it,” “God won’t accept you,” and “God doesn’t love you.” Sin also entangles us, keeping us from running the race. As another version puts it, “it clings.” In other words, it keeps us from running in freedom. Hebrews challenges us to throw these off and to run. Because of Jesus we can be free to run.

Yes, it’s a struggle, yet it’s important that we persevere and not give up. This resisting temptation, this struggling and striving against sin, this race before us takes discipline, but don’t lose heart.

Heb 12:4-9 4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a] 7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!

Discipline comes from the hand of a loving Father. He is treating us as sons. I remember the first time I read this passage and just what that meant to me. I was going through a very hard time and was discouraged, yet these verses were such an encouragement. God disciplines me because I’m His child and He loves me. To be disciplined means to be punished, but it also means to be trained like a child. God is teaching us. In chastising us he convicts us, corrects us, exposes our sin. He desires that we not stay where we are, but to grow. It’s called discipline not because it’s easy. It’s hard, but we are challenged to endure it.

Embrace the Lord’s discipline. Endure! The Benefits are worth it!

. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

It is for our good and trains us towards holiness. His holiness. Through our obedient submission to the Father of spirits we live. We receive a harvest of righteousness. When I consulted Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, I was fascinated to find that in addition to “moral correctness,” righteousness meant “freedom from guilt or sin.” Think about that. A harvest of freedom from guilt or sin. The definition of peace was quiet, tranquility, harmony, and also “freedom from disquieting emotions or oppressive thoughts or emotions.” Through endurance, discipline, we can run the race, unhindered and completely free!
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

So Run! Embrace the Lord’s discipline, it’s for your good. And in the process as He exposes your sin, confess it. Don’t let it entangle you. There’s something to be said about confessing it, bringing it out into the light. A freedom. In James 5:16 we are encouraged to confess our sins and to pray for one another that we may be healed. As we run this race together, we are one with the cloud of witnesses. Let us cheer one another on. Let us encourage one another. Let’s not stay sidelined or be kept feeble and weak by hindrances, sin or discouragement. Instead let’s set our face towards the Son, resolve to endure, to run the race!

Eric Liddell was known for his very awkward running style: his head resting back on his shoulders, face towards heaven with arms and legs pumping. His critics were blown away that he could run let alone win the gold! When asked how he managed to find the finish line when he wasn’t even looking at it he said that it was because the Lord guides Him.

As we fix our eyes on Jesus, He gets us to the finish line. As we endure and persevere in this race that He’s set out in front of us, we please Him. So consider the examples of endurance and do not lose heart. And run… with your head back and eyes upon your Savior.

Speakers Block

For those of you who know me you know that I have this love/hate relationship with public speaking: I love actually doing it but hate the stress of preparing. Last home assignment was a lesson to me in learning to rely on the Lord rather than upon my own strength, because no matter how much I'd prayed, prepared, processed and prepped, I was still at a loss in how what to put together and in what to talk about. The outlines elluded me even though I had notebooks full of attempts. (Perhaps I shouldn't confess that here, but honestly it's the truth and was a definite learning/trusting experience for me.)

God was so very gracious to me, though, in that He always came through for me and the speaking and stories flowed and were uniquely suited to each situation... even though sometimes the words didn't come until I'd have the mike in-hand and opened my mouth to speak. (um... if you're one of the pastor's, please pretend you didn't read that.)

He used all the preparation I'd done but in His way not mine. It was really neat to see the themes that developed and the stories from the Balkans and my life that He reminded me of as I relied on Him... He was so strong when I felt so weak. Frankly, if what I said was interesting, informative or a blessing or challenge to anyone I can firmly pronounce that it was the Lord who did it.

At this intensive conference I'm at, we've been delving deeper into the vast wellspring that is God's word than I ever could have imagined was even possible. And I've been seeing in more in-depth examples on how Jesus used the everyday to teach the disciples as well as the masses. In the feeding of the 5000 when the disciples mentioned sending the crowds away so that they could find food, Jesus responded with "you feed them." When they fussed over the cost Jesus asked what they had and they produced the loaves and fish. Jesus then took what they were able to provide and produced a miracle.

So, what does all this have to do with my current "Speakers Block?" Well, I'm faced with having to prepare two talks tonight for tomorrows sessions: a 3-minute talk on anything and a 20-minute devotional on Psalm 36. As is usual my stomach has been turned all into knots over it. I've been mulling-over, praying and studying the Psalm for a week now, yet still feel the nervousness of giving a devotional in front of a bunch of amazingly gifted ladies. As far as the 3-minute talk I've not a clue what to talk about.

Yet I'm reminded of the lessons that the Lord taught me last year with regards to speaking on tour. As I learned to rely on the Lord I learned also to stop comparing myself to others and instead to come to Him with what I had/have (what He's given) and let Him use it for His glory. There is a peace in this truth for me as I prepare for the talk and the devotion for tomorrow... that I don't have to try to be something or someone that I'm not, but instead to just be me: the woman He's created me to be. For some that may be an unsatisfactory conclusion to this narrative, but for me it's quite a bit freeing. Now, off to write those outlines!

Thank you for praying.

Climb Every Mountain...

Do you have music from the movie "Sound of Music" playing in your head now? Good. I sang this song to myself this afternoon as I scaled a couple of very steep mountains: one is figurative and one literal.

Currently I'm in Switzerland taking an intensive 10-day training course focusing on the inductive Bible study method and training in how to train others. Now I've done this before, but this course, like I said, is INTENSIVE. Last night I hit a wall... a mental one, and this morning it got just plain overwhelming. You see, I'm a detail-oriented person (now now, don't be shocked... lol).. anyways, what this means is that intensive inductive studying can potentially be my nightmare if I get stuck in the details. You see, I don't just see the big picture, I see every blade of grass as well! (Great for a bookkeeper, but not always so great in regards to other things.)

Last night and this morning it was truly my nightmare. To us detail-oriented people if you give us a list and tell us to look for things, we'll find EVERY LITTLE thing before we move on to the next item on the list and the process can be overwhelming. Just the list of observations was enough to send my head spinning because I see all the details (read, categorize, label, find the who, what, where and when in context and content, find the verbs, types of verbs, subjects, objects, repeated words, phrases, key words or phrases etc etc etc).

So high was my frustration and sense of being overwhelmed this morning that I went off to a place by myself and prayed. [The ironic thing is that we were studying Hebrews 12:1-13 which included wonderful phrases about discipline not being easy but is in love and for our good, training and benefit.] At lunch I was close to tears when another lady who also struggles with details encouraged me that it's OK if I don't find everything right now and it is not considered sloppy to do what I can and move on (did I mention I have perfectionist tendencies too?). Another lady reminded me to not "get stuck on the details."

Now to those of you who are big-picture thinkers and not necessarily detail-oriented this may seem academic.... and to some extent I agree, but it took someone to remind me of this fact along with a hike up the mountain to get the message through my thick skull and to begin to internalize it.

I was still feeling a bit overwhelmed by all this (and yes, wondering if I'd just simply fail) when I met up with some ladies to hike the mountain again. (We hike up several hundred feet in elevation each day after lunch, exploring and appreciating the amazing beauty of the Alps.) As is usual the main group separated from me fairly quickly as we headed up the steep incline and I had to take my time. Frankly, it's frustrating that I always seem to be off the back, but still I move at the pace I can handle and stop for a breather when needed.

As I hiked up the ever steepening climb I thought and prayed through the frustrations of last night and this morning. I thought on the passages in Hebrews that we'd been studying. Then it hit me that this learning process is hard like climbing the mountain, but that I need to be mindful of my limitations, go at my own speed and take breathers when needed. The most important thing, though, is to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus throughout the process. The lady this afternoon said as much, that I need to do what I can do and that is enough and not failure. It's all about Him, not the lists or tasks.

Eventually I did make it to the top and rejoined the group under the Swiss flag on a craggy peak with a breathtaking view. The hike up was so hard, but I made it and as I looked over the valley, the rolling green foothills and the snow-kissed mountains I was filled with hope and renewed vision. I was reminded that the things in life that grow us happen in the steepness of the foothills where it's not always easy and where sometimes we need to rest. We will make it to the top, but though the view is spectacular and our vision amazing, we can't live there. We must take in the view and then carry it with us back to the hills and valleys of life.

So OK, my language has gotten a little flowery at this point but I learned a lesson in both of these mountains I climbed today. This learning process may be challenging and sometimes difficult, but in the end it is for my benefit. I need to embrace the process, take my time and walk with the Lord each step of the way.

As I write this I'm VERY aware of how sore my muscles are, yet I know that given a bit of rest they will be stronger for the next mountain that I scale... moving ever higher while walking with my Savior. Sing with me, "Climb every mountain..."

Thank you for praying for me in all of this.

Shower Interrupted

Yesterday we visited a quaint walled medieval village in France named Riquesihr. Now the point of this blog is not to tell you about the village. That will happen on a different day. No, the point of this blog is on how the day almost ended before it even really got started.

In France they have these porta-potties that self-clean. Seriously!! Well, I paid my 30 Euro cents and stepped in. The walls were all shiney metal and the fragrance of disinfectant still hung in the air. The only problem was that there was no TP.

No worries. I'm from the Balkans so I know that you never leave home without a small packet of tissues. (A lesson I learned the hard way I might add.)

Anyways, I opened the door and asked Val to please bring me my purse so I could get the tissue. Tissue in hand I was about to shut the door again when I hear Val go, "Uh... oh... Wait!"

You see, if I'd shut the door the automatic cleaning cycle would have begun and I would have been douced with water and disinfectant!

Later she admitted that it had crossed her mind not to say anything, but quickly decided she should. Boy am I glad she did. As soon as that door closed the flood gates were opened. It was really loud and sounded like a torrent in there! And I'd almost found myself stuck right in the middle of it!

Christine joked later that if not for the disinfectant it would make a great practical joke to play. It sure would have made a funnier story if Val hadn't said anything to me... but knowing myself I doubt I would have been laughing until hours or even days later (especially if I the door locked and I couldn't get out). Still, it would have been funny, but I for one am so glad that shower a-la-France was interrupted.

Serbia Recognizes Kosovo

Imagine my shock when scrolling through the days headlines for the Balkans I came across an article entitled, "Serbia Recognizes Kosovo's Independence."

I immediately clicked on the link to read the full article http://balkaninsight.com/en/main/blogs/9038/ while simultaneously Skyping to a colleague the news. As I began to read the article I even called my boss to share the news of this amazing turn of events!

"01 April 2008 Authorities in Belgrade decided to end the last conflict in Balkans by recognising Kosovo as an independent and sovereign state... Serbia’s government agreed to recognise independence of Kosovo, in its regular annual meeting on Tuesday, government officials confirmed."

Only as I was repeating this news outloud did it occur to me that it was April Fool's Day, yet I pressed on, despite my bosses chuckles, saying, "And no, this is not an April Fool's joke." "I'm serious! It's a real news article," I protested, even reading some of the prose aloud, only to be answered by more amuzed chuckles.

Then I came to the last paragraph:

"And if for some strange reason, you haven’t start laughing until now, you better check the date on your calendar again. And yes, this can probably be a real news story on April 1st."

Doh! I completely and totally fell for it!! But it sounded so real! Apparently in the desire to see stability and peace in the Balkans I checked my brain at the door and fell for this... this completely unbelievable news considering the tensions, riots, protests and such since Kosovo declared independence.

I haven't fallen so hard for an April Fool's joke since my former boss had me convinced that our regional boss and wife were having a baby in thier, uh, advanced years. And thus the strains to an old familiar tune ring out again in my foolish honor, "'Cause I'm a blonde, ya ya ya..."

From Relaxed to Rushed

It was such a relaxing Sunday morning, not at all rushed. Though I was dressed and ready I still had about 40 minutes before I had to go. So, I made a cup-o-Joe and planned to sit with my Bible and enjoy some extra moments of quiet-time before heading off to church and worship practice.

No sooner did I take my first sip of the fragrant brew then my cell phone rang... a very unusual thing for Sunday morning. Looking at the number I noticed it was from David and wondered if he was needing me to bring extra music or something.

No such luck. Upon answering the call, his daughters cheery voice asked, "Are you just late or did you forget that the time changed?? It's 9am." As I gazed disbelievingly at my clock (still proudly displaying 8am) the realization hit me full force that I'd missed the time change YET AGAIN and I was now 1/2 hour late for practice!

To quote Charlie Brown, "ARRGGGHHH!"

The adrenaline rush was instant as I said my apologies and gave assurances that I'd be right there. Boy was I thankful that I'd not just gotten out of the shower nor was my hair still in curlers while still deciding what to wear. I was actually completely ready-to-go, so I hastily gulped a swallow of coffee, grabbed my purse, music and tamborine and dashed out the door!

Now for those of you in the US, you may be wondering why the time change is just hitting me now. Well, it's because Europe (and possibly the rest of the world?) does the time change at a completely different time from the US. Frankly, since I've been here I've never known the time to change on the same day for the two continents. What a way to confuse something further that was already a puzzle to begin with.

For some reason I never seem to be tuned in to when the time changes--no matter what continent I'm on. I'm always either 1 hour early or one hour late twice a year... like clockwork. If anyone ever figures out a tried and true way to know when on earth the time changes, I'm open for suggestions. :)

Image source: http://sleepzine.com